Of pussycats, parrots and counting beans

Lately, I've taken to interacting with imaginary cats. Sorry Smoke, let me rephrase that: with cats that aren't there. (Don't be put off by the image of the parrot. I'll come back to that.)

It started a few weeks back at an audition where I had to mime a cat. (As in miming my interaction with an imaginary cat as opposed to pretending to be a cat which is - in some ways - easier but has no place in a commercial's casting.) The casting breakdown called for a woman in her forties to play a  nurse arriving home at 3am after a long shift. Other than the fact that I have no nursing experience (I don't believe being a fan of Nurse Jackie counts for anything?), have never worked a 12 hour shift and am usually in bed by 11 o'clock at the latest, I figured I had as a good a chance as any of getting the part. The script required the character to make a cup of tea (at 3 in the morning?) and make a telephone call and - here's the acting bit - go from looking forlorn and exhausted to happy and satisfied. No scripted dialogue. Personally, I think it would have made a fantastic commercial for the tea manufacturer (it was for something else) but when you're an actor no one listens. Anyway, there I was, ready and willing.

Eat my Chip!

"Oh, look! There's a cat. I love cats on camera. Let's get the cat in the frame!" exclaimed Dougal. And off he went to grab the cat.

It was about 10:30 at night, with a dozen of us standing around in a really sweet lady's kitchen. I was the only on eating. Chips. In my socks. We were shooting a commercial. Dougal was the director.

"I don't think the cat wants to." "Look! It's already wandered off." "I don't think it's a good idea." The rest of the crew desperately tried to derail Dougal's feline plot.

"It will look so good with the cat wondering through. I promise you! It'll be fantastic!" Dougal muffled voice reached us from the front garden.

Stony silence from the crew. Footsteps. "Oh fine! But it would have been great!" Dougal returned, slightly crestfallen, and stood next to the camera, starring into the monitor. Soon he was beaming again.

As I sat there, waiting for the last minute adjustments, I realised that I was in the presence of an extraordinary creative mind. This guy is going to be one of our great directors. He still has the enthusiastic optimism of child. His ideas are pure genius and fantasy. His name is Douglas Wilson.

"Quiet on set!" The first assistant bellowed. And we got back to the job at hand.