Thursday, 19 November 2009

The film what I was almost the star in

Last year, I auditionned for an American feature film. It was to play the lead. I got a recall. Then I went to Edinburgh to do my one woman show.

The film has been made. Without me obviously. Guess who is playing "my" part? Milla Jovovich.

That's right, the ex-model, ex-wife of Jean-Luc Besson, face of L'Oreal and all around leggy big eyed beauty.

Nice to know one's casting type.

The film was called something else at the time but it's been released as The 4th Kind. I saw the trailer on TV and the ads on the sides of London buses. Here's the trailer:

I'm not sure it would have got its international release if I'd been in it so I'm glad I helped in my own small way by letting Milla play the lead.

I've taken a strange pride in this film. I'll even go and see it. It's a thriller/sci-fi/horror film about alien abduction and strange goings-on. And it got me/Milla playing the lead.

It's a very odd phenomenon. I get it with TV commercials too. The ones I auditioned for but didn't get: when they're finally shown on television, I feel strangely proprietary.

Here's to Milla and all the acting opportunities... because we're worth it.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Kate Moss stole my bra

What happens when the world's most beautiful, stylish, famous model and muse puts on a few pounds? Does she get cellulite and wobbly upper thighs, or grow a muffin top, or get a gut? No! It goes straight to fill a B-cup.

There is no God. But I love her anyway. Kate I mean. I think she's just splendid. Has turned all her quirks into winning assets and she's got more durability than the Duracel bunny. And she sounds like she's good fun, and supportive of her friends. And you hardly ever hear her speak. She does her thing and doesn't give a d*** who doesn't approve. I'm a big fan.

What's the female equivalent of homoerotic? Sapphic? I like the shape of her mouth at rest. The way her lips part. I like the way she tilts her head back in shots. And I like that her face scrunches up in a funny clowny way when she laughs and that she doesn't care. She's cool Kate. She's from Croydon and doesn't feel bad or apologetic about it.

Moving on.

I had an audition on Monday for a dairy company. The brief was milk maid. I'm just kidding, the brief was to play a mid-4o's business woman "who loses her stealy exterior when she tastes the product..." Ooh ah. Well, I walked into the casting suite and they had me play a completely different (and much younger) character. It was fun actually: a bit of improv with one of the other girls attending the casting. And no product tasting - which is always a bit awkward. Should find out if I got it by the end of the week.

I wonder what Kate Moss eats and in what quantities. I bet she doesn't raid her fridge. I bet she doesn't procrastinate. I bet she just does her thing and doesn't get all neurotic about it. I bet she doesn't fantasise about what she'd be doing with her millions if she'd won the £45 million jackpot the other week (fair enough, she's already got more than that in the bank).

Am I the anti-Kate? (Antiquate?) No. Afterall, we now share a bra cup. So we're more like boob twins.

What'd'you know. Tittwins! Kate and me.