I finished the acting job last Thursday and took the next 3 days off. And now it's Monday and the week looks a bit... empty! There's people to phone up, friends to meet up with to discuss new projects, and plays to see (Pinter's One Man Land at the Duke of York Theatre, with Michael Gabon). But there's still that overwhelming feeling of lack of purpose. Will I ever get an acting gig again?
It's very childish behaviour. And quite irrational (a big casting director told my agent I was "delightful" last week. And my favourite PR man thought my latest photos were "fabulous".) The thing is I want everything to happen now, preferably all at the same time, and the way I imagine that I want it. And I want more of it.
We're running riot. (Me and my Ego.) Let's try and refocus.
Let's make a list of what I want. And another of what I need.
What I need:
1. to be at one with the universe and let it guide me along my path.
What else? That's pretty much it. Really? Well, I also need courage and serenity to help me achieve item 1. Ok. Do they need to be in any specific order? Don't think so.
Actually, can we switch them around? What? Oh, you're impossible!
What I Need List:
1. Be at one with the Universe
What about the other list? What other list? Are you listening to me or entry 27 on the UK Top40? Sorry! The I Want List.
What I Want List:
Happiness, things going my way, financial security, love, admiration from the public and my peers, recognition, peace of mind, great legs, a greener planet, less poverty in the world, less pain, death, disease and greed. And a better theme song for the new Bond film.
Shall I go on? You sound like you're scraping the barrel. Or is that scrapping?
Why are you asking me?
I dunno. I guess the I Want List is pretty pointless. Isn't it? Yes, so it seems, but it's up to you. Oh...
So it is. Let's just go with the first list, the What I Need List, and leave it at that. Ok.