I had a bit of a shock on Friday night. More specifically a blow to the Ego from the proverbial blunt instrument.
I was watching (along with all my friends and acquaintances whom I badgered into tuning in) Wire in the Blood. Yes, the one I'm in. And half-way through, there's a scene in which I am more or less naked and walking across the screen. Now, I can blame the lighting, the wide angle lense, the Subway Sandwich diet, the bloated tummy. The thing is: I looked terrible. Fat, wobbly and covered in cellulite.
As the character, it works... but as me, it hurts. What's the point of all that exercise and worrying about what I'm eating if I'm going to look like this!
Then there's the awful realisation that people close to me have been lying "you look great." "Don't be silly, you're not fat!". Or maybe they can't see very well. Or maybe they've been averting their eyes the whole time!
So what am I going to do about it? As an actor, I'm cool with it. That what my character looks like. As an actress, I'm committed never to let myself get caught out again with - as it were - my pants down. As a woman, I'm going to try not to go into overdrive with the dieting and exercise. I know it doesn't last.
So a mixed blessing really. Got my first national telly appearance, in a high profile series but also got exposed as the little fatso who could...
Never mind eh!? J-Lo's made a fortune out of her booty. Besides, there's a quick fix to this: no, not lipo, next time I'm on film, just cover up!!